Mom

Mom

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Ebola: Is It The Sneeze Heard 'Round The World?

Modern day. Those are words that are meant to give us comfort in all things. They mean the latest in medical care, superb technology, and many other things. But does it really mean anything?

After all with modern day we also see such a surge in population that while we have the latest technology and up to date medical will it be enough?

Now as we are all sitting back with anticipation as we watch the ebola situation we are forced to see that modern medicine does not mean there is an easy out. At this moment in time there is no preventative medicine or any particular cure for the disease. This is when modern day worries come into play.

We are faced we the knowledge that modern day brings a larger population and more instances where we as a public can come into contact with virtually a limitless number of people who could be infected

Just think about an actual outbreak the next time you visit the grocery store. Did you hear someone sneeze? Who was the last person to touch the grocery cart? Who was the last person to open the freezer door? Who is breathing the same air conditioned air as you are? How many?

Pretty scary if you think about it. Who have you met on the street who has just been with a sick person? How many people have traveled on the plane that the sick nurse flew on? And who have they come into contact with?

This is the facts of modern day. We are all susceptible to this potential threat of an outbreak. Seems to make a person wonder just what is so great about modern day.

Will there be an outbreak of ebola? That unfortunately is something we have to wait and see, only will time be able to tell us if it will be.

Now the reality of this is that modern day while it brings benefits it will also place more jeopardy on us as a whole. We are in a place where no matter what we do society will put each of us in a position of extreme jeopardy no matter how hard we try to stop it.

In the simple act of living we each will have to be in spots where many possible infected people could potentially be. Everyone has to eat, which means we shop. Most of us will have to work, the majority will be among co-workers. If you drive you have to visit gas stations. We pay utility bills, many will go directly to the utility company where others have been.

What will become of this new threat to the public? Don't know, but what can we do to stop it?

As we sit waiting for time to show us a grim future or for things to work out, we all must place our hopes in the organizations that are in charge. We all must place our healthy future or lack of in the hands of the qualified individuals of the CDC in their efforts of control.

How did we get to this point where we now fret about an actual outbreak? How did we get to the point where we live in a world that The Walking Dead is not just a make believe world?

Where will this modern world take us is impossible to predict. The one thing for certain is that each of us is living in a spot where we place our healthy future or lack of in the hands of hopefully very intelligent and capable hands.


Saturday, September 27, 2014

Bipolar And Daily Struggle With Darkness

The last few days have been extremely difficult for me, mentally. I am grateful those days are not every day, but when they hit oh boy it is hard.

I always try to explain to others what is going on with me but the words to what is going on are not easy. It feels like my mind is moving at light speed on a rollercoaster that spirals downward taking me on a trip that never seems to end.

When this happens it is hard to breathe, my heart races, I feel out of control and lost. Days like this no matter how hard I try and feel 'normal' it just doesn't happen. I just feel so out there, completely lost in space.

That is my reality. It is not a Kardashian moment, not a Duck Dynasty feeling, or a Honey Boo Boo kinda thing. For me reality is more Survivor. Just surviving the moment is a tough thing for me at times. Then there are days that are awesome, days where I feel so in control.

Living with Bipolar disorder is not easy. Nor is it something to be ashamed of. I have so many people ask me why I am so open of the fact I am a bipolar. My answer to them is that I spent too much of my life being ashamed of my problem. Too many years trying to make it go away or just ignore that there was actually something I couldn't change.

But I awoke one day and realized that no matter what this is me, the me that is not normal and never will be. So I accept that and I know that sanity is something I have to work at. It is a concept I must strive to maintain on a daily basis.

Life is not easy, I admit that. Yet, it is that part of me that is not normal that makes me uniquely me. So I accept it, I admit it, and I embrace the fact that bipolar disorder is just a part of me. It is like breathing, I don't think about it. I just do it.

On those days like today that are difficult, I try to remember that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel of darkness that wants to embrace me. A light that brings about a better day, so I travel on in my journey through a life that while it is not easy, it is my life. A life that I am grateful for and a life I love.

As a five year old I would have these days of darkness and feel like I was a freak. No one then understood what I was going through, if they couldn't see anything wrong then nothing was wrong. The fact that something was going on in my head was unheard of and frankly I think embarrassed my parents.

The 60's while it was a time of free love and peace protests was not a good time for a child diagnosed with manic depression. Just the simple term depression was not an easy pill to swallow, so began my journey through the trials of lithium.

Here is another pill, was the common term I heard from my mom. Still those pills never made me feel better. I still lay awake at nights in my little bed and had some of the worst panic attacks of my life. Then as I tried to participate in school I would give out pictures only to beg for them back. I spent hours with a teacher watching me so I wouldn't run away.

But some of the worse memories are of my dad pushing me from the car into the arms of a teacher so he could then drive quickly away. I would fight their grip and scream for him to not leave me. So were the days of my life as a young child in the 60's struggling with a problem that the world could not see.

Now I still have those same panic attacks and still lay awake at nights fearing countless unseen images, but the difference is I have a family who supports me. They understand when I need to be alone and they understand when I don't realize how much I need them what to do for me.

While I twist my hair in a uncontrollable twitch that comes with my issues they see I need them to be near. No longer do I cut my hair in drastic ways when these moments happen (they hide the scissors from me) I simply twist it in the attempt to focus my mind onto one thing.

Being bipolar is not easy, that is no doubt. But I do it. I live a life as productive and busy as possible in the hopes of keeping my mind together.

To all those who wonderful why I am open about the disorder I tell them it is because to feel better I have to admit something is wrong. Those who think this is something to be ashamed of, I ask to look deep within themselves and see if they are perfect.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Headlines, Divorces, Babies

I spend a great deal of my day reading headlines in the pursuit of keeping up with the news of the day. However there are times that headlines irritate me to no end.

Example in point; Direct from http://www.cnn.com

'Honey Boo Boo' breakup: Mama June, Sugar Bear split

That earth shattering bit of information is followed by the next one in line;
Kris And Bruce Jenner Finally File For Divorce

Here in lies my irritation. Why are these headlines? Why are people so consumed with this sort of information?

It is a sad fact that we live in a world where more people know what The Kardashians are up to than know what the President is doing. More people who can tell you what Mrs. Obama was wearing but can not tell you about current affairs.

Have we gotten so complacent that we no longer care how our country is run? Are we so jaded that we would rather live in this world of Reality Shows than to take the time to worry about what the government is doing?

When did the antics of Lindsey Lohan or the day to day of the Duck Dynasty group become such a huge part of our world?

Sad to see the greatest country in the world focusing all of our attention on Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, or Wiz Khalifa and Amber Rose divorce news. When there are so many other relevant things that need our focus.

Trouble with ISIS, troubles that still befall us with ObamaCare, problems our veterans are having with medical care, troubles that the average American has with seeking proper medical care, our homeless rates, and our jobless rates. Those are all issues that need more attention.

More people need to think of how medical marijuana is aiding countless patients, how recreational marijuana is giving a boom to poor economies in the legal states, and how we need to protect our children from the predators of the world.

Why are so many children being neglected? Why are so many going hungry? In this great country of ours, why is anyone hungry, homeless, or without medical care?

Those are all headlines that need to be said.

Instead we have headlines of the children who are dying in hot cars. Just exactly how do you forget your child is in the backseat? Just how do you forget?

Let us stop worrying about Keeping Up with the Kardashians and keep up with our kids.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Judge Not, Least You Be Judged Yourself

Today has been one of those days when you begin to think that everyone in the world is absolutely nuts.

Why do we feel we must judge those we have never met? Why do we feel that we have to condemn those who do not believe the same way we do?

In this instance someone informed me about how bad rap/hip hop music is and was I sure I wanted to listen. My answer was I listen to what I like, do you? They responded with a yes but they sure didn't like the music of some people I am associated with.

I was literally flabbergasted when this person made it apparent they didn't like the person so therefore the music was no good.

This seems to happen more and more in life. Just as there are those who judge us because we are Marijuana Hillbilly magazine. Even though the ones judging have never read an issue or had a conversation with us. We are merely condemned.

That is not to belittle the far larger amount who are thrilled we are brave enough to stand for what we believe. The ones who high five us, wave, honk or show their pleasure in other ways.

Why have we moved into a world where people would rather condemn and judge before they know the facts or the circumstances?

The one thing that is so ironic is that this happens more in Middle America where we refer to it as the Bible Belt. Do we say that church going people are the most judgmental of all? Well that would mean we are judging. But is this the case? Whatever the case, this judging needs to stop.

Let us all strive to live in a world without being judged for our beliefs. Let us strive to bring back the freedom pride our great country was founded upon.

Look in the mirror, ask yourself do you want others judging you? If the answer is no, then why are so many of us judging others for their different beliefs and lifestyles?

Live, laugh, love and remember that diversity is what makes us wonderful.


Friday, September 19, 2014

Profiling Individuals By Their Looks

Life is a funny thing. A real conundrum when you sit back and look closely. We work so hard to never "profile" other people by the way they look or dress. Those all fall under their personal freedoms that we stand strongly upon.

It is a person's right to dress in their own unique way or even to look like others, it really doesn't matter. That brings us to the point where as we are out promoting a hip hop concert we are putting together we came upon a situation.

When we see that person in the vehicle with 20 inch rims and they appear to be someone who listens to hip hop/rap music, we want to go to them and tell them about the event but don't at times because it would appear that we were profiling.

Profiling others by the way they are dressed or other things about their appearance to us is a rude thing to do. So we don't.

Then as we left the store this afternoon we ourselves were profiled by a man putting fliers on windshields. The only car in the parking lot he didn't place a flier on was the Marijuana Hillbilly car.
This completely irritated me and we figured it was a church organization because quite often those particular individuals see who we are and they judge.

Apparently if we are Marijuana Hillbilly and stand for the freedom to use marijuana if you desire, that makes us evil people. When in reality they do not know anything about us. Believing in the freedom we all deserve, whether that means you want to use marijuana for recreation or medicinal purposes does not make us evil.

In truth it makes us Americans. Because we believe in the First Amendment and the entire Constitution as our given rights. So we ignore their judgment and continue on our way.

Now we come to the really funny or strange part of the story. After picking up one of the fliers that had blown off a vehicle or someone had thrown on the ground we see it is not a church organization at all. Instead it is an advertisement for Branson's Body Transformation Challenge, not a church.

This brings us to the conclusion that to the owner of Branson's Body Transformation Challenge we are either taboo and evil or not worth their time. So were they profiling us without ever knowing or even seeing us by thinking 'oh stoners they will never do this' or just exactly what?

As I said life is a funny thing and in the time we have been doing the Marijuana Hillbilly Magazine we have been condemned not by the people you would think for the most part. Instead we are usually judged by people who should be proud of the fact we stand up for them, we stand for their right to dress however they choose, medicate, recreate, live, music they choose to listen to, and for all the personal freedoms that the world is fighting for everyday.

Why is there still so much taboo associated with the 9 letters that make up the word Marijuana? When will the world get their heads out of the sand and realize we are the ones standing up for the underdogs of the world? We are working everyday to make sure that the First Amendment is remembered.

In essence we are on the front lines of a fight that is escalating to a global front. The world is moving toward a better future, one where a person has the right to medicate with a natural completely organic medicine that is not manufactured by a pharmaceutical company.

Reality shows us that is the real issue here, cannabis the plant is a natural commodity that is not chemically engineered by men in a lab. This is a plant as old as time itself, one that has only been illegal for a short time when you think of the existence of the human race. A plant that is listed on nearly all medicine bottles of the past as an active ingredient.

Cannabis is being used to treat cancer patients, autistic children, chronic pain sufferers, and so many other things that it would it seems is an ever growing list. So why are we sitting here in the 21st Century condemning this natural plant?

It is time to realize that we need to focus on other things, if all the money that is spent on fighting this "War on Drugs", or honestly the war on marijuana, if that money was spent in other areas wouldn't the world be in better shape?

But the politicians and the law enforcement agencies keep focusing their attention on the weed of the world and over look the multiple other things that are falling apart.

Honestly, we shouldn't be surprised. After all our law makers, the ones who are intent on forcing beliefs on the rest of the world, are no better than the small children at a playground. They can not get along with each other, so why are they sure they can make the rest of the world get along?

Republicans and Democrats are so consumed with their rivalry they overlook so many everyday things. So the taboo over a word continues and the personal freedoms are slowly being stripped from our lives.

NO, world we are not evil. NO, world the word marijuana or the cannabis plant are not evil. NO, world the people who raps or listens to rap are not evil. It is just a belief we have. Freedom, that is the issue. Let's try to remember that.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Prepaid World

The world is moving at such a pace that most of the people are not able financially capable of keeping up. From the cell phones, television, utilities, insurance, house payment, car payment and all the other expenses we have in average are overwhelming to say the least.

Now we are experiencing more and more part of those expenses in the form of prepaid lifestyle. Even credit cards and banking are done in the form of prepaid cards. This is taking at least part of the stress of day to day life out of the person's mind and replacing it with more control over their expenses.

Even in some areas we are seeing electric companies offer the services of prepaid electricity by setting up the customer on an account they can place money into to give them the convenience of control over their own power.

While there are a lot of people who will think this is absurd, the control over ones utilities is a peace of mind like no other. For anyone who has opened that phone bill or electric bill to see such an astronomical number to cause medical distress there is no doubt to the validity of this service.

So as you look to the future of our world look to the prepaid area and see that controlling your destiny in any form is a wonderful thing.

Knowing if you can not afford your cell phone for a month it is not the end of the world, simply purchase time when you can afford it. Don't get behind on the phone bill again. And with prepaid electricity keep control over your bill, know that day of the horrendous bill is not in your future.

Sure most of these prepaid services have started because of people with financial troubles, maybe if this had been the case before things got out of hand things would be different.

Hopefully more electric companies will join the world of prepaid to help those in money trouble to get on their feet.

It is not just the alcoholic who has drank themselves into the poor house or the drug addict who has lost it all from using drugs nor is it the lazy who do not work, that are having trouble making ends meet. It is everyone.

We are all, no matter how much money you make simply one bad thing from being homeless. One bad accident, illness, or losing a job can send even the best of us into the world of darkness that is homelessness.

Once you have lost it all, getting on your feet again is not an easy task. Think just for a moment if you didn't have a savings account, didn't have a job, didn't have family to look to for support, or didn't have a house of your own, what would you do if you lost it all? What would you do if your home was gone, your job gone, or a tragic accident or illness caused you to spend all your savings?

What would you do then? How long would it take you with no money to get on your feet?

Those questions are ones that more and more people are asking themselves. When the economy is in such a state that making ends meet become more difficult, what would you do if you had no money at all?

With prepaid things coming into the picture, there is hope for people to see a light at the end of the tunnel. A way to eventually get back on their feet.

As well as the many companies who are entering the world of 'tiny construction' and are building approximately 150 square foot houses to help end homelessness. These companies are providing however small they may be a future for those who have lost it all. It takes time to stand again when you fall.

But with all of these things we are seeing a better future for all, a better existence for children who have wonderful parents that bad things have happened to.

No more being ashamed, look to the wave of the future where better things can occur.

Sure it is a prepaid world, but a world where you can regain control when you never thought you could again.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Loss of Freedom, Girl Suspended for Writing about Marijuana

Freedom is a subject I seem utterly focused on lately. The fact that we publish a magazine that mentions the word marijuana is just a small part of why I am focused on freedom.

Recent headlines talk of a young girl in Buffalo, MO that was suspended from school for more than 6 months after the school read a personal journal of hers. In the journal she allegedly wrote of a thought to experiment with marijuana and the thoughts to bring it to school. http://www.news-leader.com/story/news/education/2014/09/14/dad-appeals-girls-suspension-marijuana-reference/15647839/?sf31125028=1

No drug tests were ever done and no marijuana found on the young woman, still she was suspended for over 6 months for her written words.

It is understandable for a school to take the zero-tolerance when it comes to drugs (it is debatable what is considered drugs, but that is not the story here) while this still seems extremely harsh of a punishment. The young girl merely wrote about marijuana.

So this brings me to the subject of freedom of speech and freedom of the press. In my research I have encountered stories of people arrested for marijuana charges and in the documents it states that the person had in their possession cannabis books and magazines. Those publications were according to the law considered paraphernalia.

That brings us to the incredible point of what happened to freedom of the press? These publications and the girl's journal do not talk of terrorist activities nor do call for terrorism, they merely talk of marijuana. In a clear violation of the First Amendment the world is condemning the use of the word.

Loss of freedom, this is a step in the wrong direction. We as Americans need to bring the public into the new world where written words about marijuana/cannabis should be taken as they are, just words.

Marijuana is not an evil word, it is not the root of all evil. Yet, people suffer because of the ignorance of those who do not understand we have freedom. Freedom to believe whatever we choose. Freedom to read whatever we choose. Freedom to print whatever we choose.

Those freedoms should be allowed unless the act of terrorism comes into play. And none of the above are acts of terrorism.

When did writing in a journal or reading certain publications become illegal?

In this modern day of supposed enlightenment by society is it not time to reverse this archaic way of thinking? Isn't it time to remember the First Amendment right of Freedom of speech, religion, and of the press?

Should this girl be punished for writing down thoughts?

Friday, September 12, 2014

Freedom: Just Exactly What Is Freedom?

Freedom by definition according to the dictionary: the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. 

Simple terms put into simple form, but that concept seems to be one of the most difficult for the human race to conceive. Our Constitutional rights were lain out before us by our founding fathers:

First Amendment:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. - See more at: http://constitution.findlaw.com/amendment1.html#sthash.4XO5nWZg.dpuf
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. - See more at: http://constitution.findlaw.com/amendment1.html#sthash.4XO5nWZg.dpuf
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press: or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.


Once again such a simple concept and if you want it more simply put: it is Freedom of speech, press, peaceful assembly, religion and the right to petition our Government.


Now why are those things so hard to understand? Why are so many fighting against those who simply want the rights that our country was founded upon?


Freedom, just what does it truly mean for Americans? Freedom to pay taxes, that's a given. Freedom to have car insurance (Obamacare doesn't give us much choice on health insurance now.) Freedom to go to the Doctor of our choice (Oh wait as long as your health insurance will cover him).


Freedom of religion, as long as it is Christianity. Freedom to peacefully assemble, as long as you don't wear similar items that would make the law enforcement consider you a gang. Freedom to print or report as long as it does not offend. Freedom to petition the Government when you have a grievance, but remember you could be considered a radical.

So do we have any true freedoms? If so what are they? Do you have the freedom to choose your personal form of medication?
 
Our veterans are killing themselves because of PTSD when they need medical aid they are not receiving. Our elderly are starving and freezing because they do not have the money to live.

Do you have the freedom to be who we really are?

Our children are killing themselves because of bullies who are torturing them for being different. So others are learning to not be true individuals, blend in with the pack for safety.
So what freedoms do we really have?

Our country is the greatest one on Earth, still we have children starve everyday. Our country is the most powerful one on Earth, still we have people who are powerless to take care of their own.

Freedom, we seem to have the freedom to live in poverty, the freedom to starve and the freedom to be homeless. Yet, we don't have the real freedoms that the Constitution laid out for us.

Gun rights are being stripped from anyone who lives in Medical Marijuana states when they choose to medicate with cannabis. All because of the legalities laid out by the Government which calls them criminals instead of patients.

Okay, so not everyone agrees that guns are our Constitutional right that is a given. But the fact that real criminals will have guns whether or not the law allows is the second given. So why limit the average person from owning a gun if he so wishes?

In the part of the states where I grew up there were more vehicles in the High School parking lot with guns than without. That is just the way it is in states where hunting takes place. But not one school shooting happened when I was there.


A firm hand on a child to teach them right from wrong and the fact that there are consequences ended with an era of children turning their parents in for child abuse.

Abuse is the most awful thing, whether physical or mental it is deadly to a child. But discipline in the proper form is not abuse. Still the world changed how they think about everything and suddenly discipline became abuse.

Now there is just one more freedom we lost. The freedom to teach your child that there are consequences. As a child I knew if I got in trouble my parents were not going to allow it. They would discipline me and not by making me stand in the corner.

Yet, the world revolves around the fact we tell other countries about the Freedom of our citizens. When in reality our citizens are not truly free.


Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. - See more at: http://constitution.findlaw.com/amendment1.html#sthash.4XO5nWZg.dpuf
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. - See more at: http://constitution.findlaw.com/amendment1.html#sthash.4XO5nWZg.dpuf

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Remembering Times Past, Both Good and Bad

Here it is the anniversary of the dreaded day 9/11. Most people will remember where they were that day as the world watched the most devastating day in modern memory. Just as those that endured Pearl Harbor Day, JFK's death, or any other tragedy from the past. Tragedies that caused the world to stand still in sadness and fear.

I remember the spot I was standing in as I was told about the planes, I had not turned on the TV or radio because I was working and so busy. But someone called to tell me that one of my friend's daughter was sick and could I go get her. He was crying and told me.

As I watched the news I felt as if I was watching a horror movie, that it could not possibly be happening. After all this is the mighty US and that just didn't happen here. Those were images that only happened in other countries.

Now I watched as I wondered if that was what my parents felt when they listened to Pearl Harbor or was that how they felt when the world heard about JFK. Did they feel as violated and horrified as I did at that moment.

My neighbor and I had the same first thought, bring our kids home so we could be with them. So that is what I did, I brought my girls home so I could see that they were safe and well. Sure the Ozarks is many miles away from the devastation that those planes caused, but it felt as if it were right next door.

The unimaginable had happened on our home soil. We had all been living a life of naivete thinking that because we live in the United States we would never have to see those images here.

At that moment those feelings of safety vanished. Just a fleeting image in the wind. Now we had to open our eyes and see that we were not entirely safe because of where we live.

In those towers Americans, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, children were all taken in a flash. From the wings of a plane each one of them were removed from the world of their loved ones. Now, I am not going to pretend that I know how any of the them felt. Nor, am I going to pretend I knew what it was like to stand with the ash falling on me as those in New York felt.

All I knew was that I knew how it felt to be in my shoes, as a mother, wife and friend to others who were as scared as I was. No longer could we live in that naive world that encircled us as Americans.

So I remember that day as I look at my family and I say thanks they are all safe and well. But I remember that day as I shed tears for the children, parents, siblings, loved ones of people who will never return.

I hope we all remember because just as Churchill quoted many years ago: "Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it." so aptly said by George Santayana.

As we sit back and watch the turmoil with ISIS I hope all those in power remember the past. And I pray that no ill deed from the past is repeated.

Make this a day to remember. Not only the bad of 9/11 but remember to love your family and to tell them as often as possible. Don't forget the things others have done for you. Remember and remember some more. 

Saturday, September 6, 2014

September 6, 1980 The Beginning of Me

1980. Wow what a year. First, I was at the lowest point in my life than I had been for a long time. The depression was overwhelming me to the point, I wanted it all to end.

Then, something spectacular happened to me. Lynn. I was barely 18 and he had turned 16 in January, this sounds so far-fetched but it is true. I am not one of those who sit back and lie about being together since I was 16 and blah, blah blah.

The honest truth is that we were just so young but it was most definitely love at first sight. Less than 2 weeks from our first date he proposed. Now you can imagine that my parents were far from supportive and his were even worse.

Absolutely, no one beyond my Granny wanted us to get married. There were many heated words and his mother said she would do everything in her power to see we had it difficult. And sadly, she did her best.

But, we were positive this was what we were supposed to do. We were two halves of one whole and truly for the first time in my life I felt like a whole person. I felt I had worth and it was the most wonderful feeling.

Still, the trials of getting married were marred on every turn. No one wanted to pay for this 'fiasco' as they all put it. And my mom even told us to just elope, it would be better.

Me, nope all I could think about was the dream wedding that every little girl has and that was what I wanted. My mom was a skilled seamstress and it was my dream for her to make me the gown I had always envisioned. That didn't happen. I got to pick the cheapest one that the bridal store had and when it came to a veil I was informed it was kind of a waste of money. Did I want a cake or a veil?

Yet, a friend took it upon herself to craft me the most beautiful veil I had ever seen and it was her gift to me. So I was still so happy nothing could bring me down.

We didn't get to have the colors I had always dreamed about, we were forced to use the dresses for the bridal party that had been used at both my cousin's and my brother's weddings. So the choice of people began as who could fit the dress.

Still, I was happy. I was marrying the one person I loved more than life itself. My other side of my heart and no matter how miserable everyone was about the wedding, the one that they all said was doomed from the beginning, I was going to enjoy my day.

Then I learned that my parents had run out of money so there was not going to be any flowers, no bouquet, no nothing. So Lynn and I thought long and hard till we found someone who would loan us the money for some flowers. Bobby I will always be thankful for your addition to the wedding.

So off to the flower shop we went and it was so late we had to literally take what was left, but that was okay. I didn't care.

Now, here was the day of our wedding. Everyone seemed so miserable not many happy faces. And then the flower shop forgot a bouquet so one had to be thrown together at the last second.

We looked out at the crowd, his family on one side and mine on the other. They all looked like they were ready for a brawl instead of a party but we didn't care. None of our friends came cause they all thought it was a joke, so it was just us and the unhappy relatives.

My dad walked me down the aisle and I could see it was hard for him. He didn't like this and it showed. My mom wasn't the smiling person she normally was and it was evident she would have rather I didn't get married.

As the vows were spoken I looked at Lynn who literally looked like he was about to pass out and I looked at the crowd who were merely glaring at us.

That was September 6,1980 and even though they all thought I was pregnant and that was the only reason we were in a hurry, now here it is September 6, 2014 and I am still right beside the other half of my heart.

It has been a long journey, one I wouldn't change a second of, but it has been a ride that has been worth every beat of my heart.

I love you honey more than life itself and no matter the hard times caused by so many, I will love you till death and beyond.

No world I was not pregnant, we didn't have our first child until 1986. Life is a funny thing. I wish they would have all supported us in a way we support our children, but they didn't and that is just how the cards were dealt.

Love to me is sitting beside the one person who means the world to me. Holding his hand when I am scared and sharing a small McDonalds burger and a small coke when that was all we could afford.

Things turn out for a reason. Yes, it has been hard at times. We were so young and on our own. No way would any of our parents ever supported us enough to let us live with them until we were financially stable. So on our own we built a life. A great life.

Lynn I love you so much that words can not explain the depth of that love. I would marry you again, and again in the blink of an eye.