Mom

Mom

Monday, September 15, 2014

Loss of Freedom, Girl Suspended for Writing about Marijuana

Freedom is a subject I seem utterly focused on lately. The fact that we publish a magazine that mentions the word marijuana is just a small part of why I am focused on freedom.

Recent headlines talk of a young girl in Buffalo, MO that was suspended from school for more than 6 months after the school read a personal journal of hers. In the journal she allegedly wrote of a thought to experiment with marijuana and the thoughts to bring it to school. http://www.news-leader.com/story/news/education/2014/09/14/dad-appeals-girls-suspension-marijuana-reference/15647839/?sf31125028=1

No drug tests were ever done and no marijuana found on the young woman, still she was suspended for over 6 months for her written words.

It is understandable for a school to take the zero-tolerance when it comes to drugs (it is debatable what is considered drugs, but that is not the story here) while this still seems extremely harsh of a punishment. The young girl merely wrote about marijuana.

So this brings me to the subject of freedom of speech and freedom of the press. In my research I have encountered stories of people arrested for marijuana charges and in the documents it states that the person had in their possession cannabis books and magazines. Those publications were according to the law considered paraphernalia.

That brings us to the incredible point of what happened to freedom of the press? These publications and the girl's journal do not talk of terrorist activities nor do call for terrorism, they merely talk of marijuana. In a clear violation of the First Amendment the world is condemning the use of the word.

Loss of freedom, this is a step in the wrong direction. We as Americans need to bring the public into the new world where written words about marijuana/cannabis should be taken as they are, just words.

Marijuana is not an evil word, it is not the root of all evil. Yet, people suffer because of the ignorance of those who do not understand we have freedom. Freedom to believe whatever we choose. Freedom to read whatever we choose. Freedom to print whatever we choose.

Those freedoms should be allowed unless the act of terrorism comes into play. And none of the above are acts of terrorism.

When did writing in a journal or reading certain publications become illegal?

In this modern day of supposed enlightenment by society is it not time to reverse this archaic way of thinking? Isn't it time to remember the First Amendment right of Freedom of speech, religion, and of the press?

Should this girl be punished for writing down thoughts?

Friday, September 12, 2014

Freedom: Just Exactly What Is Freedom?

Freedom by definition according to the dictionary: the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. 

Simple terms put into simple form, but that concept seems to be one of the most difficult for the human race to conceive. Our Constitutional rights were lain out before us by our founding fathers:

First Amendment:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. - See more at: http://constitution.findlaw.com/amendment1.html#sthash.4XO5nWZg.dpuf
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. - See more at: http://constitution.findlaw.com/amendment1.html#sthash.4XO5nWZg.dpuf
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press: or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.


Once again such a simple concept and if you want it more simply put: it is Freedom of speech, press, peaceful assembly, religion and the right to petition our Government.


Now why are those things so hard to understand? Why are so many fighting against those who simply want the rights that our country was founded upon?


Freedom, just what does it truly mean for Americans? Freedom to pay taxes, that's a given. Freedom to have car insurance (Obamacare doesn't give us much choice on health insurance now.) Freedom to go to the Doctor of our choice (Oh wait as long as your health insurance will cover him).


Freedom of religion, as long as it is Christianity. Freedom to peacefully assemble, as long as you don't wear similar items that would make the law enforcement consider you a gang. Freedom to print or report as long as it does not offend. Freedom to petition the Government when you have a grievance, but remember you could be considered a radical.

So do we have any true freedoms? If so what are they? Do you have the freedom to choose your personal form of medication?
 
Our veterans are killing themselves because of PTSD when they need medical aid they are not receiving. Our elderly are starving and freezing because they do not have the money to live.

Do you have the freedom to be who we really are?

Our children are killing themselves because of bullies who are torturing them for being different. So others are learning to not be true individuals, blend in with the pack for safety.
So what freedoms do we really have?

Our country is the greatest one on Earth, still we have children starve everyday. Our country is the most powerful one on Earth, still we have people who are powerless to take care of their own.

Freedom, we seem to have the freedom to live in poverty, the freedom to starve and the freedom to be homeless. Yet, we don't have the real freedoms that the Constitution laid out for us.

Gun rights are being stripped from anyone who lives in Medical Marijuana states when they choose to medicate with cannabis. All because of the legalities laid out by the Government which calls them criminals instead of patients.

Okay, so not everyone agrees that guns are our Constitutional right that is a given. But the fact that real criminals will have guns whether or not the law allows is the second given. So why limit the average person from owning a gun if he so wishes?

In the part of the states where I grew up there were more vehicles in the High School parking lot with guns than without. That is just the way it is in states where hunting takes place. But not one school shooting happened when I was there.


A firm hand on a child to teach them right from wrong and the fact that there are consequences ended with an era of children turning their parents in for child abuse.

Abuse is the most awful thing, whether physical or mental it is deadly to a child. But discipline in the proper form is not abuse. Still the world changed how they think about everything and suddenly discipline became abuse.

Now there is just one more freedom we lost. The freedom to teach your child that there are consequences. As a child I knew if I got in trouble my parents were not going to allow it. They would discipline me and not by making me stand in the corner.

Yet, the world revolves around the fact we tell other countries about the Freedom of our citizens. When in reality our citizens are not truly free.


Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. - See more at: http://constitution.findlaw.com/amendment1.html#sthash.4XO5nWZg.dpuf
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. - See more at: http://constitution.findlaw.com/amendment1.html#sthash.4XO5nWZg.dpuf

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Remembering Times Past, Both Good and Bad

Here it is the anniversary of the dreaded day 9/11. Most people will remember where they were that day as the world watched the most devastating day in modern memory. Just as those that endured Pearl Harbor Day, JFK's death, or any other tragedy from the past. Tragedies that caused the world to stand still in sadness and fear.

I remember the spot I was standing in as I was told about the planes, I had not turned on the TV or radio because I was working and so busy. But someone called to tell me that one of my friend's daughter was sick and could I go get her. He was crying and told me.

As I watched the news I felt as if I was watching a horror movie, that it could not possibly be happening. After all this is the mighty US and that just didn't happen here. Those were images that only happened in other countries.

Now I watched as I wondered if that was what my parents felt when they listened to Pearl Harbor or was that how they felt when the world heard about JFK. Did they feel as violated and horrified as I did at that moment.

My neighbor and I had the same first thought, bring our kids home so we could be with them. So that is what I did, I brought my girls home so I could see that they were safe and well. Sure the Ozarks is many miles away from the devastation that those planes caused, but it felt as if it were right next door.

The unimaginable had happened on our home soil. We had all been living a life of naivete thinking that because we live in the United States we would never have to see those images here.

At that moment those feelings of safety vanished. Just a fleeting image in the wind. Now we had to open our eyes and see that we were not entirely safe because of where we live.

In those towers Americans, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, children were all taken in a flash. From the wings of a plane each one of them were removed from the world of their loved ones. Now, I am not going to pretend that I know how any of the them felt. Nor, am I going to pretend I knew what it was like to stand with the ash falling on me as those in New York felt.

All I knew was that I knew how it felt to be in my shoes, as a mother, wife and friend to others who were as scared as I was. No longer could we live in that naive world that encircled us as Americans.

So I remember that day as I look at my family and I say thanks they are all safe and well. But I remember that day as I shed tears for the children, parents, siblings, loved ones of people who will never return.

I hope we all remember because just as Churchill quoted many years ago: "Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it." so aptly said by George Santayana.

As we sit back and watch the turmoil with ISIS I hope all those in power remember the past. And I pray that no ill deed from the past is repeated.

Make this a day to remember. Not only the bad of 9/11 but remember to love your family and to tell them as often as possible. Don't forget the things others have done for you. Remember and remember some more. 

Saturday, September 6, 2014

September 6, 1980 The Beginning of Me

1980. Wow what a year. First, I was at the lowest point in my life than I had been for a long time. The depression was overwhelming me to the point, I wanted it all to end.

Then, something spectacular happened to me. Lynn. I was barely 18 and he had turned 16 in January, this sounds so far-fetched but it is true. I am not one of those who sit back and lie about being together since I was 16 and blah, blah blah.

The honest truth is that we were just so young but it was most definitely love at first sight. Less than 2 weeks from our first date he proposed. Now you can imagine that my parents were far from supportive and his were even worse.

Absolutely, no one beyond my Granny wanted us to get married. There were many heated words and his mother said she would do everything in her power to see we had it difficult. And sadly, she did her best.

But, we were positive this was what we were supposed to do. We were two halves of one whole and truly for the first time in my life I felt like a whole person. I felt I had worth and it was the most wonderful feeling.

Still, the trials of getting married were marred on every turn. No one wanted to pay for this 'fiasco' as they all put it. And my mom even told us to just elope, it would be better.

Me, nope all I could think about was the dream wedding that every little girl has and that was what I wanted. My mom was a skilled seamstress and it was my dream for her to make me the gown I had always envisioned. That didn't happen. I got to pick the cheapest one that the bridal store had and when it came to a veil I was informed it was kind of a waste of money. Did I want a cake or a veil?

Yet, a friend took it upon herself to craft me the most beautiful veil I had ever seen and it was her gift to me. So I was still so happy nothing could bring me down.

We didn't get to have the colors I had always dreamed about, we were forced to use the dresses for the bridal party that had been used at both my cousin's and my brother's weddings. So the choice of people began as who could fit the dress.

Still, I was happy. I was marrying the one person I loved more than life itself. My other side of my heart and no matter how miserable everyone was about the wedding, the one that they all said was doomed from the beginning, I was going to enjoy my day.

Then I learned that my parents had run out of money so there was not going to be any flowers, no bouquet, no nothing. So Lynn and I thought long and hard till we found someone who would loan us the money for some flowers. Bobby I will always be thankful for your addition to the wedding.

So off to the flower shop we went and it was so late we had to literally take what was left, but that was okay. I didn't care.

Now, here was the day of our wedding. Everyone seemed so miserable not many happy faces. And then the flower shop forgot a bouquet so one had to be thrown together at the last second.

We looked out at the crowd, his family on one side and mine on the other. They all looked like they were ready for a brawl instead of a party but we didn't care. None of our friends came cause they all thought it was a joke, so it was just us and the unhappy relatives.

My dad walked me down the aisle and I could see it was hard for him. He didn't like this and it showed. My mom wasn't the smiling person she normally was and it was evident she would have rather I didn't get married.

As the vows were spoken I looked at Lynn who literally looked like he was about to pass out and I looked at the crowd who were merely glaring at us.

That was September 6,1980 and even though they all thought I was pregnant and that was the only reason we were in a hurry, now here it is September 6, 2014 and I am still right beside the other half of my heart.

It has been a long journey, one I wouldn't change a second of, but it has been a ride that has been worth every beat of my heart.

I love you honey more than life itself and no matter the hard times caused by so many, I will love you till death and beyond.

No world I was not pregnant, we didn't have our first child until 1986. Life is a funny thing. I wish they would have all supported us in a way we support our children, but they didn't and that is just how the cards were dealt.

Love to me is sitting beside the one person who means the world to me. Holding his hand when I am scared and sharing a small McDonalds burger and a small coke when that was all we could afford.

Things turn out for a reason. Yes, it has been hard at times. We were so young and on our own. No way would any of our parents ever supported us enough to let us live with them until we were financially stable. So on our own we built a life. A great life.

Lynn I love you so much that words can not explain the depth of that love. I would marry you again, and again in the blink of an eye.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

No Longer Pick Sticks and Stems From Your Teeth, The New Era of Edibles

I have said many times that Ignorance Is Not Bliss. This statement holds no greater value than when it comes to edibles (Infused food items with THC).

From someone who dislikes the smoke and doesn't want to smoke medication, edibles are a Godsend to me. The joy of relief from a sucker or a small piece of candy rather than smoking a joint is so much more my style.

However, this is the same as with all medications. When a Doctor writes you a prescription for hard core drugs like Vicodin, no time has he ever said take one and if you don't feel something in just a second go ahead and take some more. People use their brains and listen to the instructions (for the most part) and wait, because they realize it will be a longer period of time for the medicine to take effect.

That is so true with edibles, it is not instantaneous for a reaction to the THC. If you want fast relief or you are wanting to get high, by all means smoke.

Education, information those are the things you need to think about before doing edibles. Especially, if you have never ingested them before. Learn what you can handle and know that with edibles the effects last much longer and work extremely different.

I have learned my own tolerance for what I can medicate with. And it is perfect for me. However what makes me feel good or in my case more normal can be too strong for others.

No you will not die specifically from ingesting too much, it can be unpleasant. But let it ride out and sleep it off.

The world does not condemn the alcohol industry for those who have never drank before and feel they can drink 6 shots of tequila the first time without side effects. But the difference is that you can get alcohol poisoning and it has been known to cause death.

Ingesting to much cannabis/marijuana can cause you to feel bad but will result in sleep.

The best rule of thumb when trying medical edibles or recreational edibles for the first time is to begin slow. Always wait for up to an hour before you think they aren't strong enough. It is best to be patient for relief or want to feel high, the edible effect lasts many hours. Begin slow. Eat small amounts of a cookie, brownie, or even hard candy.

These remarkable ways of medicating should not suffer because of uneducated users. People who rely on this form of use know all too well how it works for them. Not one pharmaceutical comes without instructions, even aspirin has instructions and never has anyone bought a case of beer without realizing it was going to make them drunk if they consumed it all alone. Ignorance people let us stop the ignorance.

Don't blame the weed for people being ignorant about how to consume it.

Taking multitudes of pharmaceutical medications for the relief of Bipolar disorder, panic attacks, chronic pain and fibromyalgia is not something you want to do. When a piece of candy can give you the better relief.

Always remember to keep the edibles clearly marked so children or others know exactly what they are and out of reach of children. This is a wonderful alternative to having to smoke, but the world needs to realize these are not the same pot brownies we had as teens.

Those brownies were the result of pouring weed directly into the mix and you ate what tasted like straw filled chocolate. Times have changed and the world needs to educate themselves to the difference.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Tornado Hits Mind, Turmoil Follows Blood Kin Can Hate But It Doesn't Stop The Truth

What a hell of a week, life is completely like a whirlwind. Things are really going great and so much on our plates but that still doesn't stop the tornado that continues to fluster my brain.

It is as if an F5 has hit my mind and keeps throwing the cows in the wind. I try my best to hang on to the safety net but it seems like my grip just wants to loosen. But as my fingers quiver with exhaustion and they begin to release an arm comes out of the blue to grab me and hug me till the tears flow.

This is life for me. I accept it and I know it is what it is. Do I wish things were different? Hell yeah, but then I wonder if the constant creative juices that flow through my mind would end. Would I want to give that up? Not really.

So I settle for the tornado and just practice my grip each day.

The hardest part to deal with is when I see those who I share family history with communicating with other members of my 'family' or at least the people I share genealogy with and a part of me is really sad. This is not what I dreamed it would ever be like. I always thought the big family of relatives I had would always consider me one of them.

Now I wonder if they ever did. Was I always the outsider looking in through a window but never belonging? What did I ever do that made them not want me as a member of their family?

Oh, wait I know. I believe people should have the freedom of choice to choose marijuana as their medication or relaxation of choice. No matter that so many of those who condemn me as the evil of the world are huge drinkers. I am still the bad one.

I have been told that my parents would be turning over in their graves if they knew what I stood for or how I live. I disagree, I think they would be proud that I am willing to stand up for those too afraid to stand.

I have been told I am not a good parent, that it is more than giving birth that makes you a parent. Just because I have strong beliefs on the validity of marijuana and it's purposes does not take away from the fact that I am a parent.

I was the one who sat up nights with each of my three kids when they were sick, I was the one who cared for them body and soul with all the love of my heart, I was the one who refused to leave them alone for any length of time out of fear they would get hurt, and yet I am not a good parent in the eyes of some.

But I have at least two wonderful, grateful children who cherish me as their mom and who aren't ashamed of who I am or what I stand for. That makes it worth it.

Even though the tears fall as I think of the family that isn't there. I think of the family that should have been. The aunts, uncles, cousins and so on that Cole will never know the feeling of having blood kin. But he says 'don't worry mom, I love you and that is all that matters'.

What a great guy he is. Just reminds me of how lucky I am that this little (big) guy came into my life when the doctors said I couldn't have any more children. I will always be grateful for the miracle that he is.

That day 14 years ago when I found out and worried that Heather would be devastated that she would no longer be the baby, and the oldest was ashamed that I was pregnant. It is a horrible memory but also a wonderful memory, because it was the day I knew this little man would be in my life. A gift, one I will never stop cherishing.

So remember just because you have family really means very little, it is the love that means everything. Don't take for granted that just because you are related or gave birth to someone that they will love you. It doesn't work that way.

I am who I am, if my blood kin don't like that about me they are the ones who will have to answer for that. Not me. I have not done anything wrong. No matter how many lies are told the truth remains. It will always come out no matter how long it takes. Sometimes it comes out when a neighbor asks why you are so mean to your child. Truth is funny that way sometime it will be known to all.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

I Am Bipolar Hear Me Roar

What a week it has been. I have been in a virtual emotional, panic stricken whirlwind for the most of it.

As with anyone who suffers panic disorders and severe panic attacks,

1. First, it is not about anyone else.
2. You can not just make it go away.
3. No I am not making it up.
4. This is real fear, real panic.
5. Yes, it feels like I am going to stop breathing.
6. Eventually, sometime it will go away.
7. No, I do not want you to tell me you know what I am thinking.
8. No, patting my hand doesn't always help.
9. I would stop crying if I could.

Panic attacks are real and they are painful, scary, a hug doesn't make them go away (it sometimes helps), we have no idea why they come on, and there is no stopping one when it bombards you.

This is who I am. Sorry if that offends anyone, sorry if you don't believe this is a real ailment, sorry if you don't care enough to understand, sorry if you want to lie to the world and say I am dead, sorry if you want to lie to the world and say I don't love you, but what I am most sorry for is that you are a very misguided person. This is real. This is reality. It sucks but that is the truth.

All the things that people suffer from that are easily seen with the naked eye like missing limbs, scoliosis, broken arms, and all the other visible maladies are not any more real than having mental issues. Bipolar disorder, Panic anxiety, and similar ailments are evident to those who truly want to understand.

When I get to the point of a bad manic episode, panic attack or anything in that range of things I am told I look like a deer in the headlights. Plus, I begin to twist and pull my hair. I have even been known to give myself a drastic haircut when I am left unattended.

Needless to say I am never left alone when I am having a bad day or never left with scissors near by. I no longer cut my hair even though there are times the urge to hide and whack it all off are very strong.

That is my way of dealing with the feelings inside. The feelings that have been inside of me ever since I can remember. I used to hide in the closet beating my head against the wall. I would lie awake in bed feeling my pulse, because I thought I was dead. The fear was so strong I could hear my own heart beat so loud it felt the entire world could hear.

Funny though that I felt it was my problem to hide and be ashamed of those things and thoughts for most of my entire life. Like my favorite song I always just felt "Unwell" and worried what others thought.

Now I listen to things like "Secrets" by Mary Lambert and I now live by those lines.



I've got bi-polar disorder
My shit's not in order
I'm overweight
I'm always late
I've got too many things to say
I rock mom jeans, cat earrings
Extrapolate my feelings
My family is dysfunctional
But we have a good time killing each other

They tell us from the time we're young
To hide the things that we don't like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I'm over it

I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are


So thanks to this song and a new world (and a handful of people who are the most wonderful in the world, Lynn, Heather, Cole and a friend like Maria) I am no longer ashamed. I am a proud Redheaded Bipolar Emotional Train-wreck Loving Caring Hotheaded Outspoken wife mother author and friend.

Are You Ill or Just Part of a Hang Nail Generation?



Medical marijuana. Two words that seem so simple but for the most part the world sees them as a joke. There are those who constantly say people “with hang nails” are applying for cards for medical marijuana, insinuating that the illnesses that people claim to have are entirely bogus.
I am ashamed to say at one point in life I was among those who felt that anyone with a made up illness was running to smoke weed and that the words medical marijuana were simply a front for the world of stoners.

Boy have my eyes been opened. I now see that the world of people suffering from everything from cancer to depression are finding help in this truly beautiful little plant. I spent my entire life taking pharmaceutical medications that the legitimate Doctors prescribed in the hopes I would be what they called normal. What is normal? Well the world suffers from things. It may not be cancer but each of us have situations that call for help in the medical world.

So why is the use of this plant that literally can grow wild such a mixed up mess with everyone? Why are those who feel anyone who has it in their life is a truly bad person. A person they do not want their children to be corrupted by? Yet, those same people do not feel that someone who drinks is a corrupting influence. Or even those who take medications from their physician.

Corruption by definition from Wikipedia is “spiritual or moral impurity or deviation from an ideal”. Now just how does the belief in this plant, a God given plant, fall under that definition?
I am proud to say I am enlightened and no longer live in an ignorant state where marijuana is concerned.

No, I am not pushing weed at those who do not want it and I am not advocating the use by minors. I merely am pointing out that in this period of history marijuana is working literal miracles in people’s lives when it comes to their medical conditions. 

Now I can see plainly all the harm that the legal pharmaceuticals have done to me personally and I see so many others in the same boat I was in. Living with chronic pain, fibromyalgia, 2 pinched nerves, bone spurs, arthritis, chronic migraines, and stomach problems, let alone the fact I am Bi-polar, has left me with many problems that have been accelerated by the pharmaceutical world.
For me living without that pile of pills was something I longed for, something I dreamed about. But how can we learn to handle the pain or control the other problems without some kind of help?

Well, I have found a way to handle my pain and to control my emotional well-being. I still don’t like to smoke (never have liked the smoke in my face) but in the world of edibles I have found a way to live a good life.

Candy allows me to control my anxiety and keep me on a level playing field with the rest of the world. I no longer look to pills to help with the chronic insomnia, I eat a brownie or a cookie when I can’t sleep. So am I one of the ‘hang nail’ generation? If you want to look at me like that, then I guess I am.

Truth is, when you see people taking the legal medicines they pick up at the local pharmacy I see many that are just hooked on the pills. I see so many that are hypochondriacs longing for attention, but I do see those in need.

Our world has gotten so bad that the ones who need help are not the ones getting help. The ones getting help are the ones that give ill people a bad name.