Thursday, January 17, 2013
Dark Days Drag Into Dark Nights
Being bipolar is something that unfortunately we can not put away in a closet. It is part of who we are as people, sometimes that is good, sometimes that is bad. The hardest part for me is fighting to keep from sinking into the black abyss of depression that wants to drag me down into the pit of darkness. No matter how hard I try it just reaches out and grabs me on some days. I work desperately to keep my head on straight and to keep smiling. But the struggle is just too hard sometimes. And I like everyone else falls down into the blackness. Sure it doesn't help when there are so many people in this world who do everything in their power to kick you when you are down. And I don't mean always financially, just down. Maybe it is depression or just the blues. But those people run around making your life miserable. Happens most frequently when someone works to get close and they find out things in conversation that are painful. Then when you least expect it they throw that bomb back in your face. You know the bomb that hurts so bad you want to curl up inside and just cry. Well you would think that at my age I would learn to not let anyone I don't trust with my life inside the painful things that lay beneath the surface, but no just like everyone else I falter and let just a glimpse of something painful be seen by someone who should not have been trusted. And the pain comes to slap me in the face. So here I sit dwelling on the hurtful thing that was said and begin to second guess certain things. Even though I know what has happened is completely different than the spiteful person said it was. Maybe finally I have learned my lesson and I will not share pain with anyone, that doesn't know the whole truth. I ask for the strength to get past the spite and the hurt caused by a sad person, I ask for the strength to forget and remember the truth. That is what I ask for everyone, that you have the strength to endure the idiotic, hurt that some really true sad people wish to share with the rest of us. I mean being bipolar is hard enough without awful people saying bad things to us.